Funny Pictures & Videos - lol: July 2008

Thursday, July 31, 2008

AN IRISHMAN, AN ENGLISHMAN : Funny Jokes

Once there was an Irish man an Englishman and an Australian who decided to have a competition.While on top of the hill each man had to chuck his watch in the air, then run down the hill and catch it before it hit the ground.

So the Irishman chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill and SPLAT the watch hit the ground.

Then the Englishman chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill and SPLAT the watch hit the ground.

Next was the Australian who chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill, went and had a beer, did the shopping, came back and caught his watch.

"How did you do that?" asked the Irishman.

The Australian replied "My watch is 1 hour slow !!!!!"

TWO QUICKIES - Funny Jokes

The child comes home from his first day at school. Mother asks, "What did you learn today?"

The kid replies, "Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow."

* * *

Teacher: Billy, name two pronouns.

Billy: Who, me?

Teacher: Very good!

Formula toothpaste - Funny Signs Picture

A SMALL MISUNDERSTANDING - Funny Jokes

In a primary school classroom, the teacher notices a little puddle underneath Mary's chair.

"Oh Mary!" says the teacher, "you should have put your hand up."

"I did," Mary replied. "But it still trickled through my fingers."

Jimmy McPerson - Funny General Picture

HOW LONG HAVE I GOT LEFT? - Funny Jokes

A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that his patient would survive the night. The man then said "Call for my lawyer."

When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes. When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician asked what he had in mind.

The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side, and I thought I'd check out the same way."

Female (?) bodybuilder - Funny Sexy Picture

No Diving Penguins - Funny Signs Picture

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Longest Place Name in the world : Funny

Funny Talks

Hello,

Hi........how r u?

Yesterday i saw u.

I called u also, but u were busy riding................
You didn't even hear me..................

So I took ur snap to show u.......................
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NEXT TIME I WILL FORCE YOU TO STOP......OK

SO ALWAYS DRIVE CAREFULLY...Bye bye !!!!

Funny Numb3rs

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

Brilliant, isn't it?

And look at this symmetry:

1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321

Now, take a look at this...

101%

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:

What Equals 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been in situations where someone wants you to
GIVE OVER 100%.

How about ACHIEVING 101%?

What equals 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help
answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

If:

H-A-R-D-W-O- R- K

8+1+18+4+23+ 15+18+11 = 98%

And:

K-N-O-W-L-E- D-G-E

11+14+15+23+ 12+5+4+7+ 5 = 96%

But:

A-T-T-I-T-U- D-E

1+20+20+9+20+ 21+4+5 = 100%

THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:

L-O-V-E-O-F- G-O-D

12+15+22+5+15+ 6+7+15+4 = 101%

Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:

While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will
get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!

It's up to you if you share this with your friends & loved ones just
the way I did..

Have a nice day & God bless!!

Monday, July 28, 2008

Jokes

“Daddy, Daddy, what are those two dogs doing?” asks

the little boy.
“Well son, they’re making puppies,” replies Dad.
Some time later, the boy passes his parents bedroom
and peeps in to find them making love.
“Daddy, Daddy what are you doing?” he asks.
“We’re making a baby,” Dad replies.
The boy thinks for a moment and then says,
“Dad, can you turn Mum over ‘cos I’d rather have a
puppy.”
“

Very Cute Combination

Funny Pictures

Listen – English is only a 2nd language !!!
You've got to make allowances.

I just love Africa , simple and not complicated.
We are just who we are.
No stress.
I am proud to be African.

This vehicle was seen near Makerere , Zimbabwe

Who needs an Expensive IPod or Walkman

New Method to Prepare Hot Water.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Funnies

A man dressed in pyjamas went up to the hotel
reception and asked for the key to room 402.
“I’m sorry, sir, the room’s taken,” came the reply.
“I know it is,” replied the man impatiently, “it’s mine. I
just fell out of the window!”

~~~~~~~~

A man drove too fast down a country lane, skidded on
some black ice and ended up in a ditch. Fortunately, a
farmer appeared moments later, leading a big black
horse. When he saw the man’s predicament, he
offered to help.
“If we tie a rope around the car, I think old Black Bess
here will be able to help get it out.”
So they tied the rope from the horse to the car and the
farmer shouted,
“Come on Starlight, pull as hard as you can!” but the
horse didn’t move.
Then the farmer shouted,
“Come on Silky, one, two, three. Pull!”
But still the horse didn’t move. So for a third time the
farmer yelled,
“OK, Dobbin, pull now.”
Nothing happened. Then he called,
“Go on Black Bess, my beauty, pull hard.”
This time, the horse took the strain and slowly pulled
the car out of the ditch. The motorist was very
grateful but also a little puzzled.
“Don’t mind me asking,” he said, “but why did you call
the horse by all those different names?”
“Well, it’s like this,” explained the farmer. “Old Black
Bess is blind and if she thought she was the only one
pulling, she’d never have bothered trying.”

Funnies

For the third time that week, Ben had been late home
from work and his wife was sick and tired of reheating
his food.
“Next time this happens,” she threatened, “your dinner
will be in the bin and the bed will be made up in the
spare room.”
“Don’t worry darling,” he promised, “nothing will stop
me from getting home on time tonight.”
True to his word, Ben left work 10 minutes early to
make sure he caught the train but alas, as he was
crossing the road, a double-decker bus swerved
around the corner and knocked him to the ground.
Fortunately, he only had cuts and bruises but he was
taken to hospital for a check up and eventually arrived
home three hours late.
“So much for promises!” yelled the wife. “You’ve done
it this time.”
“It wasn’t my fault! I got hit by a bus!” replied Ben.
“Oh yeah!” she replied scornfully, “and that took three
hours, did it?”

Funny Talk

The foreman was just wondering why one of his men
was so late getting back from making a delivery, when
the phone rang.
“Sorry boss,” said the man. “I had a bit of an accident
on the way back, I hit a pig.”
“Well, just put it on the side of the road and we’ll pick
it up later.”
“But boss, it’s not dead. It just keeps squealing.”
“Okay, get the rifle from the back of the truck and put
it out of its misery. Then throw it in the ditch until
later.”
Five minutes went by and the phone rang again.
“Boss, it’s me. I’m still here.”
“Why? Did you do as I said?”
“Yeah, I shot it and put it in the ditch, but his
motorbike is still stuck under the truck!”

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Funny Talk Collections

Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

~~~~~~~~~~

Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.

~~~~~~~~~~

Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.

~~~~~~~~

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions .

~~~~~~~~~~

Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born

~~~~~~~~~~

Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?

~~~~~~~

Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.

~~~~~~~~~~

An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
' How long has what been going on?' said the man.

~~~~~~~~~~

Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.

~~~~~~~~~~

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

~~~~~~~~~~

Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.

Some Funny Talks

Lady: Is this my train?

Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.

Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi .
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

~~~~~~
A drunkard was brought to court.
Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."

~~~~~~~~
Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

~~~~~~~~~
Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter ?

~~~~~~~~~
Little Susie came running into the house after school one day,shouting,
"Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!"
"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy.
"Come in to the living room and tell me about it."
"Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in science."

Bark Like Dog - Funny Picture

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

CLEAN YOUR SHOES ONCE IN A WHILE : Funny Picture

CLEAN YOUR SHOES ONCE IN A WHILE…

OR ELSE…
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Do You Have This File In your Office : Funny Pictures

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Just for onsite lovers : Funny Pictures

Onsite look like this from offshore...
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Onsite look like this from offshore...
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Due to Rapid Increase in Petrol Price : Funny Pictures

WATCH OUT FOR THE NEW INVENTION COMING ON THE MARKET

If the price of petrol goes up any further...

soon all of you will be seeing me in my new.

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COWASAKI

Truth saying Robot (Mindblowing) : Funny Talk

One day Kuttappan's dad bought a robot.

The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face.

Kuttappan returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, "Son why are you late from school?".

Kuttappan answered, "Dad we had extra classes today".

Much to his astonishment the Robot jumped up and

slapped

Kuttappan on his face.

His dad told him "Mone (son), This robot is special in that he can detect a lie and will then slap the person who lied now come on tell me the truth, Why are you late?"

"Dad I went for a movie", " Which movie?" "The Ten Commandments",

Splatt

Kuttappan got a tight slap on the face from the robot.

"No dad honest I went for the movie Sex Queen."

Dad :"Shame on you son when I was your age I never used to do such shameful things."

Splatt

, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot. www.FunAndFunOnly.net

Hearing all this, Kuttappans mother comes walking out of the kitchen saying,

"After all he is your son.......", to which the robot steps up and gives a resounding slap on Kuttappan's mother's face

International symbol of marriage

It has been to our attention that the longest bike in the world, officialy registered by Guiness record book is from Russia.It’s creator Oleg “Leshij” Rogov was from Tver city, a small town near Moscow city. He was a big biker fan since his childhood. One day he has got an idea to build the longest bike in the world, according to his own story “probably afterÂ he got too much Â beer inside"

So after two years of planning and delaying he did it. He built the bike that was 31 feet 4 inches long (9 metres 57 cm). After the thing was ready he sent his claim to the Guiness book and got registered as longest bike in the world.

The saddest part of the story is that he got into accident and died this summer, still we have the photos of his creation, it would be some kind of tribute to him.

International symbol of marriage : Funny Pic

International symbol of marriage is approved...Finally!!!!
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if u dont believe it just type "international symbol of marriage" in google n search for images.................................

for those who are not getting what's in the hand of man ............................it is creditcard.